1
00:00:13,655 --> 00:00:16,378
You ever try
to run from your reality?
2
00:00:16,379 --> 00:00:20,724
You can try to run,
but reality is one fast bitch.
3
00:00:20,827 --> 00:00:23,102
What you need to do is get
out of your damn comfort zone
4
00:00:23,103 --> 00:00:26,033
and step into your damn truth.
5
00:00:26,034 --> 00:00:28,550
But it's nothing
you can't handle.
6
00:00:28,551 --> 00:00:32,205
You know, kind of like sex
in the booty.
7
00:00:32,206 --> 00:00:33,516
Oh, fuck y'all niggas.
8
00:00:33,517 --> 00:00:36,000
Don't act like you ain't
never tried that shit.
9
00:00:36,103 --> 00:00:37,689
Let's start this show.
10
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:43,136
Junebug, didn't I tell you to
put these damn bags in the car?
11
00:00:43,137 --> 00:00:45,827
Well, I'm stuck here
charging my ankle monitor, Mom.
12
00:00:45,931 --> 00:00:47,343
This thing goes dead,
13
00:00:47,344 --> 00:00:49,033
they gonna take me
back to jail.
14
00:00:49,034 --> 00:00:53,172
See?
- Three, two...
15
00:00:53,275 --> 00:00:57,826
It get down to one,
it ain't gonna be no fun, so.
16
00:00:57,827 --> 00:00:59,034
You think you could
get me an extension cord
17
00:00:59,137 --> 00:01:00,688
so I can move around?
18
00:01:00,689 --> 00:01:02,067
Didn't I tell your ass
not to lose
19
00:01:02,068 --> 00:01:03,448
that damn long charger, boy?
20
00:01:03,551 --> 00:01:06,551
Now you're over there plugged
in that wall like a dildo.
21
00:01:08,655 --> 00:01:09,999
So what?
22
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:11,240
You just gonna
leave me stranded?
23
00:01:11,241 --> 00:01:12,585
I can't even take a shower.
24
00:01:12,586 --> 00:01:16,068
Your ass funky anyway.
25
00:01:16,172 --> 00:01:18,136
Now, if you--
26
00:01:22,620 --> 00:01:25,654
If you will excuse us,
okay, we about to go fuck up
27
00:01:25,655 --> 00:01:27,448
a red carpet in La La Land.
28
00:01:27,551 --> 00:01:30,136
Your mama was invited
to the Hollywood premiere
29
00:01:30,137 --> 00:01:32,172
of the movie she was in.
30
00:01:34,931 --> 00:01:37,274
The porno?
31
00:01:39,586 --> 00:01:40,826
Why do Kareem
keep calling you?
32
00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:42,240
You don't have time
for that shit today.
33
00:01:42,241 --> 00:01:43,930
I need you to focus, Denise,
34
00:01:43,931 --> 00:01:46,309
not run around here
Kareem-ing in your jeans
35
00:01:46,310 --> 00:01:48,551
you wearing over
that no-good-ass man.
36
00:01:51,862 --> 00:01:54,102
Hey, what's up, Dad?
Can you come over here--
37
00:01:54,103 --> 00:01:56,585
Don't ask. I already said no.
38
00:01:56,586 --> 00:01:58,654
Well, I thought Dad
was a man that
39
00:01:58,655 --> 00:02:01,723
could make his own decisions.
40
00:02:01,724 --> 00:02:04,172
Sad to say,
that ended 20 years ago.
41
00:02:08,310 --> 00:02:10,757
Hey, B.
Where y'all two headed?
42
00:02:10,758 --> 00:02:12,655
Well, I would be going
with y'all, Denise,
43
00:02:12,758 --> 00:02:14,965
but my wife don't want me
to see her movie.
44
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,137
You don't need
to see it, baby.
45
00:02:16,241 --> 00:02:18,000
You live it.
46
00:02:19,655 --> 00:02:21,654
Yeah, you can watch it
later on OnlyFans.
47
00:02:21,655 --> 00:02:22,689
Fuck you.
48
00:02:22,793 --> 00:02:24,309
Where are y'all two
going anyway?
49
00:02:24,310 --> 00:02:26,000
Pops is taking me
to meet his new auntie.
50
00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:28,309
Yeah, yeah, I'm still looking
for my dad, but you know what?
51
00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:29,655
I found out
that he got a sister
52
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:32,067
that stays in a retirement home
a few hours away.
53
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,481
I was just hoping
that she'd tell me
54
00:02:33,482 --> 00:02:34,654
something about him, you know?
55
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,447
Shit, baby,
I forgot all about that
56
00:02:36,448 --> 00:02:37,654
'cause I've been
so damn nervous
57
00:02:37,655 --> 00:02:38,964
about this premiere
'cause you know
58
00:02:38,965 --> 00:02:40,654
I hate people staring at me.
59
00:02:40,655 --> 00:02:43,999
Then you should stop getting
on stage with a microphone.
60
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:45,448
That's why you been
feeling so crappy?
61
00:02:45,551 --> 00:02:46,792
You're nervous?
62
00:02:46,793 --> 00:02:48,412
Hey, baby,
don't sweat it, okay?
63
00:02:48,413 --> 00:02:50,136
You gonna kill it, all right?
64
00:02:50,137 --> 00:02:51,689
- Thank you, baby.
- Mm-hmm, yep.
65
00:02:51,793 --> 00:02:53,447
I know you gonna kill
your auntie too.
66
00:02:53,448 --> 00:02:54,550
Say what?
67
00:02:54,551 --> 00:02:55,964
Just make sure
she ain't no scammer.
68
00:02:55,965 --> 00:02:57,481
And the bitch ask you
for some money,
69
00:02:57,482 --> 00:02:59,964
tell her everybody dead
and we ain't no goddamn money.
70
00:02:59,965 --> 00:03:02,274
Yes, ma'am.
All right, all right.
71
00:03:02,275 --> 00:03:03,792
Don't get his ass no charger.
72
00:03:03,793 --> 00:03:05,379
Hey, baby, you want me
to get your bags?
73
00:03:05,482 --> 00:03:08,585
- No, we thug bitches.
- Oh.
74
00:03:08,586 --> 00:03:10,447
♪ Come on, it's time to go
75
00:03:10,448 --> 00:03:13,482
♪ It's "The Ms. Pat Show" ♪
76
00:03:16,103 --> 00:03:18,413
Excuse me, ladies,
77
00:03:18,517 --> 00:03:20,205
can I please
take a photo of y'all?
78
00:03:20,206 --> 00:03:21,413
Okay.
79
00:03:21,517 --> 00:03:23,723
Oh, shit, I thought
y'all was Salt-N-Pepa,
80
00:03:23,724 --> 00:03:25,895
but y'all ain't nobody.
81
00:03:25,896 --> 00:03:28,412
Who the hell is he
to tell me I ain't nobody?
82
00:03:28,413 --> 00:03:30,068
See, I hate this,
all this Hollywood shit.
83
00:03:30,172 --> 00:03:31,447
I'm gone.
84
00:03:31,448 --> 00:03:32,896
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
85
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,861
This is your first
Hollywood premiere.
86
00:03:34,862 --> 00:03:36,586
We ain't going home.
87
00:03:36,689 --> 00:03:38,895
Your ass can stay,
but I'm going to get me
88
00:03:38,896 --> 00:03:40,309
some Roscoe and get on a plane.
89
00:03:40,310 --> 00:03:41,241
I'm getting
the fuck out of here.
90
00:03:41,344 --> 00:03:42,481
Okay, Pat, listen.
91
00:03:42,482 --> 00:03:43,688
I don't know what's
eating your ass,
92
00:03:43,689 --> 00:03:45,205
but you better fix it, okay?
93
00:03:45,206 --> 00:03:48,067
Now, you here, so you might
as well enjoy the experience.
94
00:03:48,068 --> 00:03:52,171
I mean, and stop complaining
the whole damn time.
95
00:03:52,172 --> 00:03:53,964
Fuck. All right.
96
00:03:53,965 --> 00:03:57,034
Fuck, there go
that damn director.
97
00:03:57,137 --> 00:03:59,205
Turn it off!
No, turn it off!
98
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,412
Turn it off!
99
00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:02,136
No, no, no more--
no more pictures, please.
100
00:04:02,137 --> 00:04:05,757
No more pictures, please.
No more.
101
00:04:05,758 --> 00:04:07,137
What the fuck is y'all doing?
102
00:04:07,241 --> 00:04:09,516
When I say no more pictures,
that's your cue
103
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:12,136
to keep taking pictures.
104
00:04:12,137 --> 00:04:15,930
Are we all on the same page?
Are we all on the same page?
105
00:04:15,931 --> 00:04:17,930
Yep? Okay.
106
00:04:17,931 --> 00:04:19,895
No more pictures, please. No!
107
00:04:19,896 --> 00:04:21,792
Stop it! Stop it!
108
00:04:21,793 --> 00:04:23,619
And this nigga still
not taking no pictures!
109
00:04:23,620 --> 00:04:25,620
You're fired!
110
00:04:25,724 --> 00:04:28,965
Go home to your poverty,
Biggie!
111
00:04:29,068 --> 00:04:31,412
Did this nigga just
hire his own paparazzi?
112
00:04:31,413 --> 00:04:34,792
Oh, I know damn well that
ain't Big Sexy over there.
113
00:04:34,793 --> 00:04:37,310
Girl, you look good
as a tax refund
114
00:04:37,413 --> 00:04:39,620
with four dependents.
115
00:04:39,724 --> 00:04:41,448
I hope you're ready
to be a star, you are.
116
00:04:41,551 --> 00:04:42,965
I ain't no--
I ain't nobody damn star.
117
00:04:43,068 --> 00:04:44,654
What is all this shit?
118
00:04:44,655 --> 00:04:46,723
Well, you know I had to go
all-out in promoting this film,
119
00:04:46,724 --> 00:04:47,930
you know?
120
00:04:47,931 --> 00:04:49,550
The trades are already
calling it a--
121
00:04:49,551 --> 00:04:51,137
man, get the fuck out
the picture.
122
00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:54,792
The trades are already
calling it a masterpiece.
123
00:04:54,793 --> 00:04:56,103
They calling
"Magic Milfshake"
124
00:04:56,206 --> 00:04:57,964
a masterpiece?
125
00:04:57,965 --> 00:05:02,240
Just like you call that Smurf
on your head acceptable?
126
00:05:02,241 --> 00:05:04,343
Now, Pat, everybody
who's seen this film
127
00:05:04,344 --> 00:05:07,000
is already calling
your performance a supernova.
128
00:05:07,103 --> 00:05:09,550
Your life is never gonna be
the same after today.
129
00:05:09,551 --> 00:05:11,655
Really? Man, I'm not a big
enough deal for all this shit.
130
00:05:11,758 --> 00:05:13,343
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
131
00:05:13,344 --> 00:05:15,723
No. Don't do that.
We do not do that here.
132
00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:17,482
Repeat after me. I am somebody.
133
00:05:17,586 --> 00:05:18,688
I am somebody?
134
00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:20,206
- I am somebody!
- I am somebody.
135
00:05:20,310 --> 00:05:21,826
Say it from the gut.
I am somebody!
136
00:05:21,827 --> 00:05:23,826
- I am somebody!
- That's it.
137
00:05:23,827 --> 00:05:25,723
All right, now,
I need y'all to be down here
138
00:05:25,724 --> 00:05:27,343
ready to go at 6:00 p.m.
139
00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:30,136
Matter of fact,
make it 5:58, all right?
140
00:05:30,137 --> 00:05:32,206
No more pictures, please.
141
00:05:32,310 --> 00:05:34,896
That's what the fuck
I'm talking about!
142
00:05:40,620 --> 00:05:43,033
I really
can't stand that man,
143
00:05:43,034 --> 00:05:45,205
but he sure do know
how to make an exit.
144
00:05:46,689 --> 00:05:48,930
I know damn well that
ain't Kareem calling again.
145
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:51,688
Okay, how about we just
get you up to the room
146
00:05:51,689 --> 00:05:54,310
so you can get some rest,
crabby pants?
147
00:05:55,793 --> 00:05:58,895
Hi, my name is Denise Ford,
148
00:05:58,896 --> 00:06:01,240
and this is my client,
Patricia Carson.
149
00:06:01,241 --> 00:06:03,033
Hey, how you doing?
Okay.
150
00:06:03,034 --> 00:06:06,102
Oh, got you right here.
Two queen suites.
151
00:06:06,103 --> 00:06:07,551
What the hell you mean,
two queen suites?
152
00:06:07,655 --> 00:06:09,068
We only need one room.
153
00:06:09,172 --> 00:06:12,378
No, Pat, he was calling
us queens, your highness.
154
00:06:12,379 --> 00:06:14,412
No, no, no, no, ma'am.
I wasn't calling you queens.
155
00:06:14,413 --> 00:06:16,619
See, we've had actual queens
that stay here,
156
00:06:16,620 --> 00:06:20,861
and I know what they look like.
You got two rooms.
157
00:06:20,862 --> 00:06:22,895
Nigga.
158
00:06:22,896 --> 00:06:24,550
Don't make a scene
in here, Denise, please.
159
00:06:24,551 --> 00:06:25,550
I'm not.
160
00:06:25,551 --> 00:06:26,758
You just go on upstairs
161
00:06:26,862 --> 00:06:28,481
and get you some rest
in the room,
162
00:06:28,482 --> 00:06:29,758
and I'll handle it, okay?
163
00:06:29,862 --> 00:06:31,688
And don't be down here
showing your ass
164
00:06:31,689 --> 00:06:33,067
in these people lobby now.
165
00:06:33,068 --> 00:06:34,930
I'll show the inside
of my ass if I have to.
166
00:06:34,931 --> 00:06:36,930
I ain't paying
for no two rooms.
167
00:06:36,931 --> 00:06:38,413
And the elevator
is just a little janky,
168
00:06:38,517 --> 00:06:42,240
but don't bounce or nothing,
and it'll be all right.
169
00:06:42,241 --> 00:06:44,516
- Dee!
- Kareem.
170
00:06:44,517 --> 00:06:46,067
Hey.
171
00:06:46,068 --> 00:06:48,274
Was that Pat?
'Cause I wanted to say hi.
172
00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,861
Well, yeah, I sent her up
to the room to get some sleep
173
00:06:50,862 --> 00:06:52,275
before the premiere, you know,
but she's--
174
00:06:52,379 --> 00:06:53,757
she's really happy
that you're here.
175
00:06:53,758 --> 00:06:55,378
Okay, good, well,
if she's sleeping,
176
00:06:55,379 --> 00:06:57,102
why don't we get up to our room
and start freaking?
177
00:06:57,103 --> 00:06:58,930
Ooh, okay.
178
00:07:01,275 --> 00:07:03,344
Eh.
179
00:07:06,517 --> 00:07:08,343
I'll take my other key now.
180
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:09,862
Oh, the other key just
went to those other guests
181
00:07:09,965 --> 00:07:11,516
over there, ma'am.
182
00:07:11,517 --> 00:07:12,999
I thought you said you
didn't want the two rooms.
183
00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:14,205
I wasn't talking to you.
184
00:07:14,206 --> 00:07:16,205
I was lying to my sister.
- What?
185
00:07:16,206 --> 00:07:17,551
Well, how was
I supposed to know that?
186
00:07:17,655 --> 00:07:20,309
I'm sorry, ma'am, but all
we have left are the singles.
187
00:07:20,310 --> 00:07:24,033
Do we look like
these two big grown adults
188
00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:26,861
that we can fit on
twin-sized mattresses?
189
00:07:26,862 --> 00:07:28,862
I mean, y'all gonna be
on top of each other anyway.
190
00:07:28,965 --> 00:07:31,551
Well, what if
this is my brother?
191
00:07:31,655 --> 00:07:32,862
Well, then
you could go next-door
192
00:07:32,965 --> 00:07:34,206
to the fine motel
across the street.
193
00:07:34,310 --> 00:07:36,964
Do I look like
I would stay in a motel?
194
00:07:36,965 --> 00:07:38,034
Do you want me
to answer that?
195
00:07:38,137 --> 00:07:39,481
Oh.
- Oh, okay.
196
00:07:39,482 --> 00:07:41,309
Okay, baby.
It's cool. It's cool.
197
00:07:44,034 --> 00:07:46,171
There's my handsomest sister.
198
00:07:46,172 --> 00:07:47,688
Mama told me not to send
199
00:07:47,689 --> 00:07:49,206
your drunken driving
ass nothing.
200
00:07:49,310 --> 00:07:52,482
Oh, come on.
She got to you too?
201
00:07:52,586 --> 00:07:54,378
I thought you loved me.
202
00:07:54,379 --> 00:07:56,379
Enjoy being chained, Django.
203
00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:00,758
Hey.
204
00:08:03,241 --> 00:08:04,930
Girl, Janelle,
I'm so happy
205
00:08:04,931 --> 00:08:06,757
you're here 'cause Nikki
206
00:08:06,758 --> 00:08:08,240
was just telling me
about her new man.
207
00:08:08,241 --> 00:08:11,067
Girl, I already know about
the boy on the football team,
208
00:08:11,068 --> 00:08:13,447
the one with the big old hips.
- Ew, girl.
209
00:08:13,448 --> 00:08:15,205
No, you know I can't mess
with no man with an ass
210
00:08:15,206 --> 00:08:16,413
fatter than mine.
211
00:08:16,517 --> 00:08:18,067
I be getting jealous.
212
00:08:18,068 --> 00:08:20,033
Plus, I like 'em older now.
213
00:08:20,034 --> 00:08:21,516
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
214
00:08:21,517 --> 00:08:23,758
Okay, whose daddy finna
give you worms today?
215
00:08:23,862 --> 00:08:25,895
Promise you
not gonna say nothing.
216
00:08:25,896 --> 00:08:27,586
Girl, let me see.
217
00:08:29,758 --> 00:08:32,378
This is Professor DeWalt.
218
00:08:32,379 --> 00:08:35,758
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, girl, I know.
219
00:08:35,862 --> 00:08:37,930
And let's just say this ass
220
00:08:37,931 --> 00:08:40,826
been staying after class, okay?
221
00:08:40,827 --> 00:08:43,067
Mm-hmm.
Now, tell her for how long.
222
00:08:43,068 --> 00:08:45,102
For a little minute,
I'm not gonna lie.
223
00:08:45,103 --> 00:08:46,723
I was nervous
about it at first,
224
00:08:46,724 --> 00:08:48,447
but he just kept on keeping on,
225
00:08:48,448 --> 00:08:51,136
so I went to breakfast
with him.
226
00:08:51,137 --> 00:08:52,758
To breakfast, bitch.
227
00:08:52,862 --> 00:08:55,757
Wait, he--
he took you to breakfast?
228
00:08:55,758 --> 00:08:57,793
That's what she said.
229
00:08:59,965 --> 00:09:02,172
We went to this little spot
off-campus called--
230
00:09:02,275 --> 00:09:04,551
both:
Café Avon.
231
00:09:06,172 --> 00:09:08,344
For once, a man wasn't just
trying to get in my pants,
232
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:10,861
like--
- Oh, oh, thank God.
233
00:09:10,862 --> 00:09:13,378
They didn't have sex.
234
00:09:13,379 --> 00:09:14,792
Girl, yes, we did.
235
00:09:14,793 --> 00:09:16,310
- Hmm.
- Huh?
236
00:09:16,413 --> 00:09:17,757
DeWalt and I
did it up against
237
00:09:17,758 --> 00:09:21,826
da wall and da bed
and da shower.
238
00:09:21,827 --> 00:09:25,309
And after we were done,
he fed me a cookie.
239
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:27,482
Not the post-nookie cookie.
240
00:09:27,586 --> 00:09:30,516
Yes, his favorite kind
is the--
241
00:09:30,517 --> 00:09:32,275
Macadamia nut.
242
00:09:32,379 --> 00:09:33,826
Good guess.
243
00:09:33,827 --> 00:09:36,447
After I get my hair done,
I'm about to go make that man
244
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:40,482
macadamia nut again, okay?
245
00:09:40,586 --> 00:09:42,172
Nikki, I think
your hair's done.
246
00:09:42,275 --> 00:09:43,793
Wait, but you was gonna bump
the ends still.
247
00:09:43,896 --> 00:09:45,619
- You're done.
- Wait, okay.
248
00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:46,654
- Bye, bye.
- Bye.
249
00:09:46,655 --> 00:09:48,172
Bye. Bye.
250
00:09:52,965 --> 00:09:54,964
Yolanda!
251
00:09:54,965 --> 00:09:58,033
Rhonda, I told you,
there's nothing
252
00:09:58,034 --> 00:10:01,481
in the rule book that said
I can't sell edibles.
253
00:10:01,482 --> 00:10:04,033
Now, Gertrude was seeing
dead people long before
254
00:10:04,034 --> 00:10:06,171
I gave her that brownie.
255
00:10:06,172 --> 00:10:07,826
Your visitors are here.
256
00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:10,793
Well, lead with that
the next time.
257
00:10:12,172 --> 00:10:14,136
Hey.
258
00:10:14,137 --> 00:10:15,861
You must be Terry.
259
00:10:15,862 --> 00:10:17,792
Yes, ma'am.
Ms.--
260
00:10:17,793 --> 00:10:19,619
- Oh.
- Finally nice to meet you.
261
00:10:21,344 --> 00:10:23,481
I've been waiting to see
and meet somebody on this side
262
00:10:23,482 --> 00:10:25,482
of my family for a long time.
263
00:10:25,586 --> 00:10:28,102
You look just like your mama.
264
00:10:28,103 --> 00:10:29,689
This is my son, Brandon.
265
00:10:29,793 --> 00:10:31,309
Hey, what's up, new Auntie?
How you doing?
266
00:10:31,310 --> 00:10:32,654
- Oh, good.
- Good to meet you, yeah, yeah.
267
00:10:32,655 --> 00:10:35,172
It is so nice
to finally meet you.
268
00:10:35,275 --> 00:10:36,930
My name is Yolanda,
but everybody around here
269
00:10:36,931 --> 00:10:38,309
call me Yo-Yo.
270
00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:40,343
Oh, Yo-Yo.
That's a cool name,
271
00:10:40,344 --> 00:10:42,033
but did you used
to do tricks and stuff?
272
00:10:42,034 --> 00:10:43,481
Is that how you got your name?
- Uh-uh.
273
00:10:43,482 --> 00:10:45,619
No, it's because every time
I dropped a man,
274
00:10:45,620 --> 00:10:46,964
they come rolling
right back to me.
275
00:10:46,965 --> 00:10:48,000
- Oh.
- I really like that.
276
00:10:48,103 --> 00:10:49,895
- Okay.
- Okay.
277
00:10:49,896 --> 00:10:51,171
Okay.
278
00:10:51,172 --> 00:10:53,930
I would say
y'all came at a good time,
279
00:10:53,931 --> 00:10:56,688
but then I would be lying
because my roommate,
280
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,654
she just died 10 minutes ago,
and they're trying
281
00:10:59,655 --> 00:11:01,861
to move her fat ass
on out of here.
282
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:04,378
- Sorry for your loss.
- It's all right.
283
00:11:04,379 --> 00:11:05,723
She died on me
'cause she didn't want
284
00:11:05,724 --> 00:11:07,688
to do the talent show.
285
00:11:07,689 --> 00:11:10,068
Lazy ass.
286
00:11:10,172 --> 00:11:12,240
Hold up, y'all be doing
talent shows up in here?
287
00:11:12,241 --> 00:11:13,379
Now, that's cool, son.
288
00:11:13,482 --> 00:11:15,930
This is the type of place
I want to die in.
289
00:11:15,931 --> 00:11:18,343
I'm sorry, his mouth and his
brain aren't aligned properly.
290
00:11:18,344 --> 00:11:19,550
You know what?
291
00:11:19,551 --> 00:11:20,930
We did come at
the right time 'cause
292
00:11:20,931 --> 00:11:22,723
did you know that Pops here
can sing his butt off?
293
00:11:22,724 --> 00:11:25,481
In the army, they used to
call him Terry Pendergrass.
294
00:11:25,482 --> 00:11:26,896
Oh, is that right?
295
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,585
Well, show me
what you got, nephew!
296
00:11:28,586 --> 00:11:30,033
Oh, no, ma'am,
I can't possibly do it.
297
00:11:30,034 --> 00:11:31,516
Sing, God damn it.
298
00:11:31,517 --> 00:11:34,033
♪ I woke up
this morning with my mind ♪
299
00:11:34,034 --> 00:11:37,067
♪ And it was stayed
- Oh, shit.
300
00:11:37,068 --> 00:11:38,585
♪ On free now, oh ♪
301
00:11:38,586 --> 00:11:41,102
You is good, baby.
302
00:11:41,103 --> 00:11:43,516
Well, we better get started
if we're gonna win this year.
303
00:11:43,517 --> 00:11:44,862
Okay.
304
00:11:44,965 --> 00:11:47,688
I am so tired
of those Sanchez brothers
305
00:11:47,689 --> 00:11:50,586
winning every year.
306
00:11:50,689 --> 00:11:54,206
Lying bastards
winning on sympathy.
307
00:11:54,310 --> 00:11:56,412
Dementia, my ass.
308
00:11:56,413 --> 00:12:00,205
That motherfucker
can remember every lyric.
309
00:12:00,206 --> 00:12:01,757
All right then, Auntie.
So when is it?
310
00:12:01,758 --> 00:12:03,757
'Cause I'm a little rusty,
and I need to practice.
311
00:12:03,758 --> 00:12:05,310
- Starts tonight.
- Tonight.
312
00:12:05,413 --> 00:12:06,999
- Oh.
- Rusty, follow me.
313
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,448
Why'd you tell her we was
gonna do that talent show, boy?
314
00:12:08,551 --> 00:12:09,723
I didn't know
it was gonna be tonight.
315
00:12:09,724 --> 00:12:10,654
What do you mean,
you ain't know
316
00:12:10,655 --> 00:12:11,757
it was gonna be tonight?
317
00:12:11,758 --> 00:12:13,102
I just got here
and stuff, man.
318
00:12:13,103 --> 00:12:15,103
Bring that old rusted,
dusty ass over now.
319
00:12:15,206 --> 00:12:17,103
Yes, ma'am.
See, she called me Rusty.
320
00:12:17,206 --> 00:12:19,102
And done. Whoo!
321
00:12:19,103 --> 00:12:21,550
Pat, you almost
look as good as me.
322
00:12:21,551 --> 00:12:23,102
No, I don't.
323
00:12:23,103 --> 00:12:26,964
Girl, why are you
so down on yourself today?
324
00:12:26,965 --> 00:12:28,792
This Hollywood shit
always make me feel this way.
325
00:12:28,793 --> 00:12:30,930
I been starving myself all week
for this damn premiere,
326
00:12:30,931 --> 00:12:32,481
and I ain't lost
no fucking weight.
327
00:12:32,482 --> 00:12:33,930
I look the same.
328
00:12:33,931 --> 00:12:37,481
Oh, Pat, that's why
you're so nasty, baby.
329
00:12:37,482 --> 00:12:40,171
You hungry.
330
00:12:40,172 --> 00:12:43,412
Look, you don't got to change
yourself for this shit, okay?
331
00:12:43,413 --> 00:12:44,965
You are gorgeous.
332
00:12:45,068 --> 00:12:46,688
Now, I'm gonna go order you
some room service.
333
00:12:46,689 --> 00:12:49,862
I don't want no food.
I just want to be perfect.
334
00:12:51,965 --> 00:12:53,757
Oh, shit.
- Well, what?
335
00:12:53,758 --> 00:12:55,136
Is it your eyebrows?
336
00:12:55,137 --> 00:12:57,067
'Cause, you know, they sisters.
They not twins.
337
00:12:57,068 --> 00:12:58,964
I left my fucking earrings
in the car.
338
00:12:58,965 --> 00:13:00,826
Oh, okay.
Well, I'll go get them for you.
339
00:13:00,827 --> 00:13:02,999
- No, I'm going to get them.
- No, no, it's okay.
340
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:04,034
No, no,
I'm going to get them.
341
00:13:04,137 --> 00:13:05,447
- I said--
- No.
342
00:13:05,448 --> 00:13:06,688
Let me help you.
343
00:13:06,689 --> 00:13:07,862
Damn, you don't ever want
nobody to--
344
00:13:07,965 --> 00:13:11,136
oh, my God.
- I'm going to get them.
345
00:13:11,137 --> 00:13:13,551
Stay up here
and steam my drawers.
346
00:13:15,931 --> 00:13:19,240
Okay, God, now, listen here.
347
00:13:19,241 --> 00:13:21,102
It's me, Denise.
348
00:13:21,103 --> 00:13:24,378
Please do not let Pat
run into my man in that lobby,
349
00:13:24,379 --> 00:13:27,171
and I promise to you, Lord,
that I will stop
350
00:13:27,172 --> 00:13:29,516
stealing at the self-checkout.
351
00:13:29,517 --> 00:13:33,862
"Magic Milfshake" is a film
for the entire family,
352
00:13:33,965 --> 00:13:37,067
a film about MILFs and shakes.
353
00:13:37,068 --> 00:13:38,723
Hey, Pat.
354
00:13:38,724 --> 00:13:41,379
Kareem, what in the crack
of hell you doing here?
355
00:13:41,482 --> 00:13:43,447
Oh, I plead the fifth.
356
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:44,895
I knew it.
God damn it, Denise.
357
00:13:44,896 --> 00:13:46,481
That's why she wanted them
fucking two queen suites,
358
00:13:46,482 --> 00:13:48,172
ain't it?
Ain't it?
359
00:13:48,275 --> 00:13:50,000
Uh, I plead the fifth.
360
00:13:50,103 --> 00:13:52,688
I'm gonna plead
my foot up Denise ass.
361
00:13:52,689 --> 00:13:54,344
Don't jackhammer it like--
don't.
362
00:13:54,448 --> 00:13:56,343
Pat!
Stop with the damn buttons!
363
00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:58,240
Don't jackhammer it like that!
- Ah!
364
00:13:58,241 --> 00:14:01,757
Oh, shit!
365
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:02,861
- Auntie--
- Open up your hips.
366
00:14:02,862 --> 00:14:04,412
Open them up like this.
367
00:14:04,413 --> 00:14:06,585
- What, am I giving birth?
- And back.
368
00:14:06,586 --> 00:14:07,861
Come on now.
369
00:14:07,862 --> 00:14:10,412
Oh, I see she's
putting y'all to work, huh?
370
00:14:10,413 --> 00:14:11,895
Now, be careful.
371
00:14:11,896 --> 00:14:14,068
This woman will work you
like a Hebrew slave.
372
00:14:14,172 --> 00:14:17,240
Who asked you
anything, Rhonda?
373
00:14:17,241 --> 00:14:20,412
Why don't you go somewhere
and wipe somebody's ass?
374
00:14:20,413 --> 00:14:22,964
Look, how are you
moving like this?
375
00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:25,448
Honey, you are only
as old as you think you are.
376
00:14:25,551 --> 00:14:27,067
Uh-huh. If you made
your roommate do this,
377
00:14:27,068 --> 00:14:28,378
I'd have died too.
378
00:14:28,379 --> 00:14:31,033
Mm-hmm. You see Terry
whining over there?
379
00:14:31,034 --> 00:14:34,931
That's because I can't speak.
380
00:14:37,517 --> 00:14:39,413
- Oh, Lord.
- Oh!
381
00:14:39,517 --> 00:14:41,757
Here comes Sanchez.
Stand tall, you two.
382
00:14:41,758 --> 00:14:43,103
Don't let
the enemy see you weak.
383
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:45,723
Gentlemen.
384
00:14:45,724 --> 00:14:48,550
You are looking barely alive.
385
00:14:50,896 --> 00:14:52,585
And, Yo-Yo, how are you-you?
386
00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:54,999
We are fine, fine, Sanchez.
387
00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:59,758
Why don't you go shuffle
the fuck off to dialysis?
388
00:14:59,862 --> 00:15:02,964
Looks like you hired
yourself some help.
389
00:15:02,965 --> 00:15:05,688
Still gonna lose, though,
just like you did last year
390
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,689
and the year before
and the year before.
391
00:15:07,793 --> 00:15:11,412
Oh, oh, you remember
all of that, huh?
392
00:15:11,413 --> 00:15:13,447
Aren't you the poster child
for Alzheimer's?
393
00:15:15,241 --> 00:15:16,620
And I'm gonna remember
this year's
394
00:15:16,724 --> 00:15:18,688
crushing victory as well.
- Oh.
395
00:15:18,689 --> 00:15:21,688
Good day, gentlemen.
396
00:15:21,689 --> 00:15:23,654
♪ Yo, yo, yo, yo,
yo, yo, yo ♪
397
00:15:23,655 --> 00:15:25,964
No, but we got to get
our act together, Terry.
398
00:15:25,965 --> 00:15:28,171
I can't believe
you can't dance.
399
00:15:28,172 --> 00:15:30,965
Your father?
Whew, could move his ass off.
400
00:15:31,068 --> 00:15:32,136
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh.
401
00:15:32,137 --> 00:15:33,447
My daddy could dance?
402
00:15:33,448 --> 00:15:34,792
Hey, look, Auntie,
tell me more.
403
00:15:34,793 --> 00:15:36,240
Tell me everything.
404
00:15:36,241 --> 00:15:37,895
This is the kind of information
I drove up here for.
405
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,067
Oh, your father
could have been
406
00:15:40,068 --> 00:15:42,688
right up there next to
Alvin Ailey if he wanted to,
407
00:15:42,689 --> 00:15:44,793
but he was a hot mess.
408
00:15:44,896 --> 00:15:47,585
- Alvin Ailey?
- That's what I'm saying.
409
00:15:47,586 --> 00:15:49,000
Hey, Auntie, look,
show me more, all right?
410
00:15:49,103 --> 00:15:50,343
All right, I'm gonna
get it right this time.
411
00:15:50,344 --> 00:15:51,517
I promise, all right?
- Keep up.
412
00:15:51,620 --> 00:15:52,862
All right,
all right, all right.
413
00:15:52,965 --> 00:15:55,723
One, two, three, cat.
One, two, three, cat.
414
00:15:55,724 --> 00:15:57,516
Ooh.
415
00:15:57,517 --> 00:15:59,137
There it go!
Come on, Terry!
416
00:16:01,482 --> 00:16:03,067
No service.
417
00:16:03,068 --> 00:16:04,861
Why you press all
them damn buttons, Kareem?
418
00:16:04,862 --> 00:16:06,723
I didn't press the buttons.
You did.
419
00:16:06,724 --> 00:16:08,723
Now I'm gonna be late
to my own damn premiere.
420
00:16:08,724 --> 00:16:10,551
I didn't even want
to do this Hollywood shit
421
00:16:10,655 --> 00:16:13,861
in the first place.
Got me feeling all insecure.
422
00:16:13,862 --> 00:16:15,378
Don't do that!
423
00:16:15,379 --> 00:16:16,550
Don't do it!
Don't do that!
424
00:16:16,551 --> 00:16:18,240
Don't do--
okay, look, look, look.
425
00:16:18,241 --> 00:16:21,171
Just--just try the phone.
426
00:16:21,172 --> 00:16:22,586
Dead like you should be!
427
00:16:22,689 --> 00:16:24,930
Okay, see, it ain't even
about the elevator.
428
00:16:24,931 --> 00:16:26,861
Why don't we talk about
what's really going on here?
429
00:16:26,862 --> 00:16:28,654
Here come this
self-help bullshit,
430
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:29,896
ain't it, when you know
431
00:16:30,000 --> 00:16:31,309
you only gonna help
your damn self?
432
00:16:31,310 --> 00:16:32,723
Ain't you, Kareem?
433
00:16:32,724 --> 00:16:35,895
Ah, so you don't like me
because of the past.
434
00:16:35,896 --> 00:16:38,067
No, it's about the present
'cause you ain't doing shit
435
00:16:38,068 --> 00:16:39,517
but leading my sister on.
436
00:16:39,620 --> 00:16:41,586
How am I leading her on?
437
00:16:41,689 --> 00:16:43,309
You might be rich
and famous now,
438
00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:45,241
but I would never forget
when my sister OD'd
439
00:16:45,344 --> 00:16:48,412
and you left her in the
damn streets to die like a dog.
440
00:16:48,413 --> 00:16:50,689
Did you put that shit
in your little book, Kareem?
441
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:52,585
That was a long time ago,
Pat.
442
00:16:52,586 --> 00:16:54,551
Denise might be
too dick dumb to remember,
443
00:16:54,655 --> 00:16:56,551
but I'm the one
that stayed by her bed
444
00:16:56,655 --> 00:16:58,447
until she woke up
in the hospital.
445
00:16:58,448 --> 00:17:00,240
You didn't even call.
446
00:17:00,241 --> 00:17:03,965
I was 19 years old,
strung out on drugs.
447
00:17:04,068 --> 00:17:07,310
I am 50 years old now,
sober, strong,
448
00:17:07,413 --> 00:17:09,447
and all I can say is I'm sorry.
449
00:17:09,448 --> 00:17:10,586
Yeah, you are.
450
00:17:10,689 --> 00:17:13,757
You a sorry motherfucker.
451
00:17:13,758 --> 00:17:15,723
Sure was.
452
00:17:15,724 --> 00:17:18,619
Was, Pat.
453
00:17:18,620 --> 00:17:20,033
Do you want to be remembered
454
00:17:20,034 --> 00:17:23,205
for all your old bullshit,
too, huh?
455
00:17:23,206 --> 00:17:25,481
Look, I was
a horrible boyfriend,
456
00:17:25,482 --> 00:17:27,309
hated myself back then.
457
00:17:27,310 --> 00:17:30,102
Didn't know who I was,
but I know who I am today.
458
00:17:30,103 --> 00:17:33,136
I know my heart.
People do change, Pat.
459
00:17:33,137 --> 00:17:35,930
I mean, fuck,
you living proof of that.
460
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:38,102
What the hell
are you talking about?
461
00:17:38,103 --> 00:17:40,309
You've come
so far from Rabbit.
462
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,999
You've beaten every odd.
You got a beautiful family.
463
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,310
You're killing it career-wise.
464
00:17:45,413 --> 00:17:48,516
How are you gonna be insecure?
- You gonna judge me now?
465
00:17:48,517 --> 00:17:50,102
I can't fault you.
466
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:52,620
I went through the same shit
when I hit it big.
467
00:17:52,724 --> 00:17:55,895
Now, look, the thing is,
where we come from,
468
00:17:55,896 --> 00:17:58,931
we feel like
we don't deserve none of this.
469
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,481
You're right.
470
00:18:00,482 --> 00:18:02,964
I do feel like I don't
deserve this shit.
471
00:18:02,965 --> 00:18:06,378
The world expected us
to be dead now, Pat.
472
00:18:06,379 --> 00:18:09,274
Look at us!
473
00:18:09,275 --> 00:18:12,171
You got just as much right
to be here as anybody else.
474
00:18:12,172 --> 00:18:13,619
Scared of Hollywood.
475
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:15,724
How you gonna be
scared of Hollywood?
476
00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:18,551
Shit, they need
to be scared of you.
477
00:18:18,655 --> 00:18:20,861
You actually making
some sense now.
478
00:18:20,862 --> 00:18:22,964
What's crazy is,
I damn near killed myself
479
00:18:22,965 --> 00:18:25,102
this weekend trying
to lose weight for people
480
00:18:25,103 --> 00:18:28,723
I don't even know.
For what?
481
00:18:28,724 --> 00:18:31,999
You got to stay out
the comments, man.
482
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,688
I was looking at
an old clip the other day.
483
00:18:33,689 --> 00:18:35,343
They was in there saying,
I looked like that guy
484
00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:38,034
from "Girlfriends."
485
00:18:41,137 --> 00:18:42,240
Mm.
486
00:18:42,241 --> 00:18:44,172
Here are your earrings
right here, Pat.
487
00:18:47,413 --> 00:18:49,827
Come on, Pat, pick up.
488
00:18:49,931 --> 00:18:51,655
Damn.
489
00:18:54,344 --> 00:18:55,654
Pat.
490
00:18:55,655 --> 00:18:57,516
Oh, hold on, hold on,
hold on, hold on.
491
00:18:57,517 --> 00:18:59,516
Pretend like I said
something funny, all right?
492
00:18:59,517 --> 00:19:01,723
Funnier than that.
493
00:19:05,068 --> 00:19:06,930
- Sadiq!
- Hey, Smurf.
494
00:19:06,931 --> 00:19:08,620
Where--where--where's Pat?
495
00:19:08,724 --> 00:19:12,240
Oh, uh, uh, down in the--
uh, in the gym.
496
00:19:12,241 --> 00:19:14,343
Yeah, since she'd been
getting her actress on,
497
00:19:14,344 --> 00:19:16,412
you know,
she's all about her fitness.
498
00:19:16,413 --> 00:19:17,792
She better not be
losing no weight.
499
00:19:17,793 --> 00:19:19,550
I hope you mean fitness
as in fittin'
500
00:19:19,551 --> 00:19:22,033
this cupcake in her mouth
'cause she already perfect.
501
00:19:22,034 --> 00:19:23,861
Listen, now,
"The Hollywood Reporter"
502
00:19:23,862 --> 00:19:26,378
is down here right now,
and they want to talk to her.
503
00:19:26,379 --> 00:19:28,240
- Now?
- Yes. Yes, now.
504
00:19:28,241 --> 00:19:29,413
Fuck.
505
00:19:29,517 --> 00:19:31,136
I mean, okay, I'll go get her.
- Okay.
506
00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:32,585
Bye. Bye, Chia Pet.
507
00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:33,896
No.
508
00:19:38,724 --> 00:19:40,757
Hey, you must be
pretty desperate calling me.
509
00:19:40,758 --> 00:19:42,999
Yeah, you nailed it.
Okay, look, so, um,
510
00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:44,931
I--I have this friend, right?
511
00:19:45,034 --> 00:19:48,171
And she needs some man advice.
- Hmm.
512
00:19:48,172 --> 00:19:49,757
Well, you've come
to the right place.
513
00:19:49,758 --> 00:19:52,343
Doesn't get more manly than me.
514
00:19:52,344 --> 00:19:54,964
Aren't you hooked up
to a wall right now?
515
00:19:54,965 --> 00:19:57,585
My patience runs
very thin right now, Janelle.
516
00:19:57,586 --> 00:20:00,964
All right, look.
So listen, my friend, she's--
517
00:20:00,965 --> 00:20:04,620
she's dating this guy,
and they started doing the do.
518
00:20:04,724 --> 00:20:06,895
Mm, is your
slutty friend single?
519
00:20:06,896 --> 00:20:08,585
Ignoring that.
520
00:20:08,586 --> 00:20:10,931
Okay, so everything's
going great, right,
521
00:20:11,034 --> 00:20:13,448
until she finds out
that he's also doing the do
522
00:20:13,551 --> 00:20:16,412
with another girl.
- Okay.
523
00:20:16,413 --> 00:20:19,309
Okay, what?
How do I handle this?
524
00:20:19,310 --> 00:20:22,343
- Oh, so it is you.
- Damn it.
525
00:20:22,344 --> 00:20:24,586
How did I get outsmarted
by Junebug?
526
00:20:24,689 --> 00:20:26,241
Did you use protection,
Janelle?
527
00:20:26,344 --> 00:20:27,930
You don't want
to end up like me.
528
00:20:27,931 --> 00:20:31,274
Of course, I used protection.
I'm not an idiot. Come on.
529
00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:33,412
Hurtful, but continue.
530
00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:36,516
Uh, what do you mean?
That's it.
531
00:20:36,517 --> 00:20:39,758
Okay, so he takes your V-card
then instantly cheats.
532
00:20:39,862 --> 00:20:41,103
Mm-hmm.
533
00:20:41,206 --> 00:20:42,758
This guy sounds
like a dick to me.
534
00:20:42,862 --> 00:20:44,412
You know you deserve better
than that, Janelle.
535
00:20:44,413 --> 00:20:46,068
Shoot, you a catch.
536
00:20:46,172 --> 00:20:47,412
Thanks, Bug.
537
00:20:47,413 --> 00:20:50,102
Yeah, so I say
crash out on his ass.
538
00:20:50,103 --> 00:20:51,447
- Oh.
- Mm-hmm.
539
00:20:51,448 --> 00:20:52,930
You need to ask yourself,
540
00:20:52,931 --> 00:20:56,964
W-W-Y-C-M-A-A-D-D,
541
00:20:56,965 --> 00:21:00,792
What Would Your Crazy Mama
And Auntie Denise Do?
542
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,516
Yeah.
543
00:21:02,517 --> 00:21:06,344
Okay, I see
what you're going with.
544
00:21:06,448 --> 00:21:09,378
You know, you're actually
not a bad brother.
545
00:21:09,379 --> 00:21:11,723
Oh, and also, don't worry.
546
00:21:11,724 --> 00:21:14,205
I made some phone calls,
and I have a TaskRabbit coming
547
00:21:14,206 --> 00:21:15,896
right now with your cord.
548
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:18,274
Yes, oh, I knew you'd
come through, Janelle.
549
00:21:18,275 --> 00:21:22,000
Hey, and remember, broke boys
don't deserve no coochie.
550
00:21:22,103 --> 00:21:23,309
He's not broke.
551
00:21:23,310 --> 00:21:26,034
Mm, he's broken inside,
though, my sister.
552
00:21:28,137 --> 00:21:30,000
- I miss you.
- I miss you too.
553
00:21:30,103 --> 00:21:31,619
All right, you got this.
554
00:21:31,620 --> 00:21:33,551
Bye.
555
00:21:33,655 --> 00:21:37,000
Oh. Come in.
556
00:21:39,172 --> 00:21:42,517
Ain't that a bitch?
557
00:21:42,620 --> 00:21:45,378
I want to introduce you
to my best friend in here.
558
00:21:45,379 --> 00:21:48,964
She's the reason I haven't
burnt this joint down yet.
559
00:21:48,965 --> 00:21:51,861
Carol. Carol.
560
00:21:51,862 --> 00:21:54,033
Yolanda, I told you...
561
00:21:57,862 --> 00:22:03,103
I am not fooling with you
and them edibles no more.
562
00:22:03,206 --> 00:22:08,378
Had me outside
humping a tree last week.
563
00:22:08,379 --> 00:22:09,964
You were humping a tree?
564
00:22:09,965 --> 00:22:14,447
Well, in my defense,
I thought the tree was Shaq.
565
00:22:14,448 --> 00:22:18,274
- Oh.
- Behave yourself, Carol.
566
00:22:18,275 --> 00:22:22,688
I want to introduce you to
my nephew and his son, Brandon.
567
00:22:22,689 --> 00:22:27,240
Oh, well, very nice
to meet you, handsome.
568
00:22:27,241 --> 00:22:29,654
And it's so nice of you
to come and visit.
569
00:22:29,655 --> 00:22:31,620
Are you having a good time?
570
00:22:31,724 --> 00:22:33,586
Well, to be honest,
I was hoping
571
00:22:33,689 --> 00:22:36,619
to ask Yolanda a million
questions about my father,
572
00:22:36,620 --> 00:22:38,930
but we kind of got roped into
this whole talent show thing.
573
00:22:38,931 --> 00:22:40,448
Yeah, she really
been putting us to work.
574
00:22:40,551 --> 00:22:42,379
I'm surprised she didn't
ask you to do a duet.
575
00:22:42,482 --> 00:22:43,688
Oh, hell no.
576
00:22:43,689 --> 00:22:44,931
This heifer
ain't gonna kill me.
577
00:22:46,758 --> 00:22:49,757
Yolanda, how come
you haven't told this boy
578
00:22:49,758 --> 00:22:51,412
about his father yet?
579
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:54,723
Would you mind your
nosy-ass business, Carol?
580
00:22:54,724 --> 00:22:56,895
All right then. Fair enough.
581
00:22:56,896 --> 00:22:58,620
Well, it was nice
to meet you both.
582
00:22:58,724 --> 00:23:00,793
And listen, I'm gonna have
to step off because
583
00:23:00,896 --> 00:23:04,068
they done talked me into
announcing this bitch.
584
00:23:05,758 --> 00:23:07,516
I know you want
to talk about your daddy,
585
00:23:07,517 --> 00:23:09,172
but we'll talk about him
after the show.
586
00:23:09,275 --> 00:23:11,205
Right now, I just want y'all
to focus, okay?
587
00:23:11,206 --> 00:23:13,930
- Yes, ma'am.
- Good evening!
588
00:23:13,931 --> 00:23:17,344
Or good morning to those
of you that just woke up.
589
00:23:17,448 --> 00:23:22,826
I am the host of tonight's
talent extravaganza.
590
00:23:22,827 --> 00:23:28,205
Now, first up, we have
our returning champions,
591
00:23:28,206 --> 00:23:29,826
the Sanchez brothers!
592
00:23:29,827 --> 00:23:32,895
But note, there's only
one brother this time
593
00:23:32,896 --> 00:23:34,310
because two of them died.
594
00:23:34,413 --> 00:23:35,448
Okay.
595
00:23:38,965 --> 00:23:42,033
That's that sympathy shit
I was talking about.
596
00:23:42,034 --> 00:23:43,826
Oh, you can walk, bitch.
597
00:23:43,827 --> 00:23:46,482
Okay.
598
00:23:46,586 --> 00:23:47,654
Okay, you two!
599
00:23:47,655 --> 00:23:50,310
Yolanda, mucho to the gracias.
600
00:23:54,965 --> 00:23:57,067
I'm--I'm real sad
that my two brothers
601
00:23:57,068 --> 00:23:59,964
can't join me tonight, but, uh,
602
00:23:59,965 --> 00:24:01,930
they're watching from heaven,
so--
603
00:24:01,931 --> 00:24:04,792
Why don't you go
up there with them?
604
00:24:04,793 --> 00:24:07,067
This ain't "American Idol."
We don't need your sob story.
605
00:24:07,068 --> 00:24:08,412
Just sing.
606
00:24:09,551 --> 00:24:11,895
♪ Upside, inside out ♪
607
00:24:11,896 --> 00:24:14,757
♪ She's living la vida loca ♪
608
00:24:14,758 --> 00:24:17,516
♪ She'll push
and pull you down ♪
609
00:24:17,517 --> 00:24:20,343
♪ Living la vida loca ♪
610
00:24:20,344 --> 00:24:22,275
He ain't even singing
for real.
611
00:24:22,379 --> 00:24:24,551
♪ Her skin's
the color mocha ♪
612
00:24:24,655 --> 00:24:25,930
Sure is moving.
613
00:24:25,931 --> 00:24:28,343
Wait, wait,
are you on his side or mine?
614
00:24:28,344 --> 00:24:29,758
You know, Auntie,
we gonna kick his behind,
615
00:24:29,862 --> 00:24:31,275
but we gonna talk
about my pops, right?
616
00:24:31,379 --> 00:24:32,619
- Yes.
- Come on.
617
00:24:32,620 --> 00:24:33,931
Eyes on the prize there.
618
00:24:34,034 --> 00:24:35,931
Get off the stage,
really Bad Bunny!
619
00:24:38,482 --> 00:24:40,067
Thank you so much.
620
00:24:40,068 --> 00:24:43,379
Could somebody come up here and
get these dead brothers off?
621
00:24:45,862 --> 00:24:50,067
All right now,
you may have seen her
622
00:24:50,068 --> 00:24:52,241
in some of the
Social Security offices
623
00:24:52,344 --> 00:24:56,447
or maybe some of the senior
citizens' old folks home.
624
00:24:56,448 --> 00:25:00,482
Y'all give it up for
Yo-Yo and the Strings!
625
00:25:03,655 --> 00:25:07,343
We're gonna do something
way back for you.
626
00:25:10,413 --> 00:25:15,688
♪ He's leaving on that
midnight train to Georgia ♪
627
00:25:15,689 --> 00:25:19,964
♪ Leavin' on
the midnight train ♪
628
00:25:19,965 --> 00:25:22,757
♪ Said he's going back
to find ♪
629
00:25:22,758 --> 00:25:24,172
♪ Going back ♪
630
00:25:24,275 --> 00:25:26,654
♪ Oh, a simpler place
and time ♪
631
00:25:26,655 --> 00:25:30,136
- ♪ Takes that ride
- ♪ Oh, yes, he is ♪
632
00:25:30,137 --> 00:25:33,033
♪ I'll be there
633
00:25:33,034 --> 00:25:34,655
♪ I know you will ♪
634
00:25:34,758 --> 00:25:37,033
♪ On that midnight train
to Georgia ♪
635
00:25:37,034 --> 00:25:39,654
♪ Leavin' on the
midnight train to Georgia ♪
636
00:25:39,655 --> 00:25:41,965
♪ Ooh, whoo-whoo ♪
637
00:25:42,068 --> 00:25:44,482
♪ I'd rather be in his world ♪
638
00:25:44,586 --> 00:25:45,930
♪ Live in his world ♪
639
00:25:45,931 --> 00:25:47,344
♪ Than be without him
in mine ♪
640
00:25:47,448 --> 00:25:48,999
♪ World, world ♪
641
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,619
How you doing, baby?
642
00:25:51,620 --> 00:25:53,309
♪ His and hers alone ♪
643
00:25:53,310 --> 00:25:54,517
- ♪ My world
- ♪ My world ♪
644
00:25:54,620 --> 00:25:55,895
- ♪ His world
- ♪ His world ♪
645
00:25:55,896 --> 00:25:56,964
♪ Our world ♪
646
00:25:56,965 --> 00:25:58,309
♪ Midnight train to go
647
00:25:58,310 --> 00:25:59,689
- ♪ My world
- ♪ My world ♪
648
00:25:59,793 --> 00:26:01,274
- ♪ His world
- ♪ His world ♪
649
00:26:01,275 --> 00:26:04,033
- ♪ Our world
- ♪ Midnight train to go ♪
650
00:26:04,034 --> 00:26:06,378
♪ I got to go, I want to go ♪
651
00:26:06,379 --> 00:26:08,550
♪ I got to go
- ♪ Midnight train to go ♪
652
00:26:08,551 --> 00:26:09,999
♪ Hey, oh
653
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,413
♪ Our world, his world ♪
654
00:26:11,517 --> 00:26:13,034
- Gonna get it, baby.
- ♪ Midnight train ♪
655
00:26:13,137 --> 00:26:14,895
♪ Yeah ♪
656
00:26:14,896 --> 00:26:16,205
Got them cramps.
657
00:26:16,206 --> 00:26:17,550
♪ His world
658
00:26:17,551 --> 00:26:21,412
♪ A midnight train
to Georgia ♪
659
00:26:29,310 --> 00:26:31,067
Oh, you remember that time
660
00:26:31,068 --> 00:26:33,240
we got caught stealing Skittles
at the corner store,
661
00:26:33,241 --> 00:26:35,033
and you had to come in there
and act like you was
662
00:26:35,034 --> 00:26:36,379
your mama so we didn't get--
663
00:26:36,482 --> 00:26:37,999
I'ma beat
your ass down there!
664
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,688
It was crazy!
665
00:26:39,689 --> 00:26:41,895
That was so funny. Oh, my God.
666
00:26:41,896 --> 00:26:43,896
Motherfuckers never paid me
my $20 either
667
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:45,585
for coming down there
to get y'all.
668
00:26:45,586 --> 00:26:47,378
Oh, my God, you still
talking about that damn $20?
669
00:26:47,379 --> 00:26:49,723
You know what?
Fine. Here.
670
00:26:49,724 --> 00:26:51,585
You want--
you want your damn $20?
671
00:26:51,586 --> 00:26:53,586
There you go.
- $20?
672
00:26:53,689 --> 00:26:55,102
Where the rest at?
- What you mean, the rest?
673
00:26:55,103 --> 00:26:56,412
We said $20.
674
00:26:56,413 --> 00:26:58,343
Nigga, that was in the '90s.
Interest.
675
00:26:58,344 --> 00:27:00,792
Get the fuck out.
Give me my $20 back!
676
00:27:00,793 --> 00:27:02,826
Yeah, see? See?
677
00:27:02,827 --> 00:27:05,930
I waited a long time
to get this shit.
678
00:27:05,931 --> 00:27:08,067
- We had a time, didn't we?
- We did.
679
00:27:08,068 --> 00:27:09,965
We had a time.
680
00:27:10,068 --> 00:27:11,964
I wish they was all good.
681
00:27:11,965 --> 00:27:14,447
I mean, that's why I'm looking
forward to creating more,
682
00:27:14,448 --> 00:27:17,448
you know, so I can improve
my losing record.
683
00:27:17,551 --> 00:27:20,757
I want to make it up
to Denise and you.
684
00:27:20,758 --> 00:27:22,412
I gotta be honest with you.
685
00:27:22,413 --> 00:27:24,895
Us talking like this
can't undo what's done,
686
00:27:24,896 --> 00:27:27,654
but it is a damn start.
687
00:27:27,655 --> 00:27:30,619
God don't make no mistakes,
688
00:27:30,620 --> 00:27:32,205
and this is why me and Dee-Dee
689
00:27:32,206 --> 00:27:34,619
are back in
each other's lives again.
690
00:27:34,620 --> 00:27:36,481
I ain't playing
with her or about her.
691
00:27:36,482 --> 00:27:38,792
Now, I'm sorry that I--
that I messed up,
692
00:27:38,793 --> 00:27:40,585
you know, the premiere
and everything,
693
00:27:40,586 --> 00:27:44,930
but, I mean, she did say
that she told you I was coming.
694
00:27:44,931 --> 00:27:47,137
She ain't told me
shit about shit.
695
00:27:47,241 --> 00:27:48,931
Well, then
she lied to both of us.
696
00:27:49,034 --> 00:27:50,619
Well, damn.
697
00:27:50,620 --> 00:27:52,516
Maybe God put us
in this elevator
698
00:27:52,517 --> 00:27:54,792
so we can come back together.
699
00:27:54,793 --> 00:27:56,655
Work shit out, maybe.
700
00:27:56,758 --> 00:27:57,826
You really do love her,
don't you?
701
00:27:57,827 --> 00:27:59,826
Like my own breath.
702
00:27:59,827 --> 00:28:02,482
Damn, nigga,
you corny like my husband.
703
00:28:02,586 --> 00:28:04,205
I'm glad we did this!
704
00:28:04,206 --> 00:28:05,895
Get the fuck off me.
705
00:28:05,896 --> 00:28:08,343
You put--see, physical touch
is my love language.
706
00:28:08,344 --> 00:28:10,137
And kicking
niggas' ass is mine.
707
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,964
Um, hi.
708
00:28:21,965 --> 00:28:23,826
Professor, can I talk to you
for a second privately?
709
00:28:23,827 --> 00:28:25,033
Excuse me.
710
00:28:25,034 --> 00:28:27,206
I am busy right now,
and my office hours
711
00:28:27,310 --> 00:28:29,861
are stated in my syllabus.
- I know your office hours.
712
00:28:29,862 --> 00:28:31,861
I set an appointment
to talk to you privately,
713
00:28:31,862 --> 00:28:34,379
but you were a no-show.
714
00:28:35,965 --> 00:28:38,482
Wow.
715
00:28:38,586 --> 00:28:40,172
Okay, cool.
716
00:28:40,275 --> 00:28:43,827
All right, so you've been MIA
ever since you and I--
717
00:28:43,931 --> 00:28:45,792
- Is everything okay?
- Uh, yes, yes.
718
00:28:45,793 --> 00:28:47,205
Everything is--
everything's fine.
719
00:28:47,206 --> 00:28:49,999
Ms. Carson,
I'll see you in class, okay?
720
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:52,000
Thank you. Goodbye.
721
00:28:58,137 --> 00:28:59,688
Ms. Carson,
what are you doing?
722
00:28:59,689 --> 00:29:02,103
Yeah.
You fucked with the wrong--
723
00:29:02,206 --> 00:29:03,930
- Okay, okay.
- Yeah, yeah, you did.
724
00:29:03,931 --> 00:29:05,205
- Are you okay?
- No, you want some too, bitch?
725
00:29:05,206 --> 00:29:06,896
Whoa, whoa, okay, relax.
726
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:11,102
- I'ma fuck your ass up.
- Oh! No!
727
00:29:11,103 --> 00:29:13,103
You know what?
728
00:29:19,379 --> 00:29:20,896
Now, the carpet's
about to open,
729
00:29:21,000 --> 00:29:22,619
and I ain't seen
Big Sexy all day.
730
00:29:22,620 --> 00:29:26,412
Where is my Magic MILF?
Where is my Magic MILF?
731
00:29:26,413 --> 00:29:29,103
Oh, hey, Magic MILF.
732
00:29:29,206 --> 00:29:32,067
Kareem, what in the hell
are you doing here?
733
00:29:32,068 --> 00:29:35,275
- She knows, Denise.
- Oh, okay, Pat.
734
00:29:35,379 --> 00:29:37,931
Here's your earrings
and your stuff.
735
00:29:38,034 --> 00:29:40,067
- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.
736
00:29:40,068 --> 00:29:41,619
I'ma deal with
your lying ass after--
737
00:29:41,620 --> 00:29:42,895
We got to go!
We got to go!
738
00:29:42,896 --> 00:29:45,757
God damn!
739
00:29:45,758 --> 00:29:49,724
Make some noise if you
liked the Sanchez brothers.
740
00:29:53,379 --> 00:29:56,034
Uh-uh, man.
He juicing the stats.
741
00:29:57,034 --> 00:30:00,412
Make some noise if you liked
Yo-Yo and the Strings.
742
00:30:05,586 --> 00:30:08,724
Judges, do we have
the final decision?
743
00:30:08,827 --> 00:30:10,930
Okay.
744
00:30:10,931 --> 00:30:13,724
Well, well, here we are.
745
00:30:13,827 --> 00:30:16,931
The 19th annual
746
00:30:17,034 --> 00:30:21,723
Fall Talent Show winner is...
747
00:30:21,724 --> 00:30:23,448
the Sanchez Brothers!
748
00:30:23,551 --> 00:30:25,447
Yeah, what?
Man, that ain't fair.
749
00:30:25,448 --> 00:30:27,102
We--man, we killed that.
750
00:30:27,103 --> 00:30:28,413
He's doing the judges.
751
00:30:28,517 --> 00:30:30,240
He's doing one of them.
752
00:30:30,241 --> 00:30:32,793
Barb, are you
fucking Sanchez?
753
00:30:35,068 --> 00:30:37,274
Sanchez, you know
she got the crabs.
754
00:30:37,275 --> 00:30:39,241
Get--give me the trophy.
755
00:30:39,344 --> 00:30:40,448
Don't worry about it.
756
00:30:40,551 --> 00:30:42,067
He gonna be
with his brothers soon.
757
00:30:42,068 --> 00:30:44,136
Yeah, you're a winner
in our eyes, Yolanda.
758
00:30:44,137 --> 00:30:46,033
- Oh, thank you, baby.
- Yeah.
759
00:30:46,034 --> 00:30:49,895
And I am so glad you two
came down here to visit me.
760
00:30:49,896 --> 00:30:54,343
You made my year.
761
00:30:54,344 --> 00:30:58,103
And, Terry, I know you want
to talk about your daddy,
762
00:30:58,206 --> 00:30:59,931
but it's--
763
00:31:00,034 --> 00:31:04,309
it's a little painful
for me to talk about.
764
00:31:04,310 --> 00:31:09,654
But they say a picture
is worth a thousand words.
765
00:31:09,655 --> 00:31:14,964
So I want--
I want you to have this.
766
00:31:14,965 --> 00:31:19,136
- What's this?
- Oh, that's a cute baby.
767
00:31:19,137 --> 00:31:22,067
Damn, he got a big-ass head.
768
00:31:22,068 --> 00:31:23,550
Yolanda,
who are these people?
769
00:31:23,551 --> 00:31:26,447
Ah, that's a picture of you,
770
00:31:26,448 --> 00:31:29,447
Terry, as a baby.
771
00:31:29,448 --> 00:31:32,964
Oh, my God.
772
00:31:32,965 --> 00:31:37,274
And that man holding you,
773
00:31:37,275 --> 00:31:39,517
that's your daddy.
774
00:31:46,896 --> 00:31:48,930
Hair by Denise.
Makeup by Denise.
775
00:31:48,931 --> 00:31:51,102
Outfit by,
you guessed it, Macy's.
776
00:31:51,103 --> 00:31:54,344
Oh, oh, Ms. Pat. Ms. Pat.
777
00:31:54,448 --> 00:31:56,172
This is Ms. Pat, everybody!
778
00:31:56,275 --> 00:31:58,619
Oh, smile.
779
00:31:58,620 --> 00:31:59,964
You look good, girl.
780
00:31:59,965 --> 00:32:01,378
Let me hit it from the back.
781
00:32:01,379 --> 00:32:02,757
Ow!
- Oh, whoa.
782
00:32:02,758 --> 00:32:04,274
- Oh, it's perfect.
- Just once?
783
00:32:04,275 --> 00:32:05,930
Perfect.
Yeah, oh, pow, pow!
784
00:32:05,931 --> 00:32:09,171
Oh, ain't she funny?
785
00:32:09,172 --> 00:32:12,481
"Milfshake," everybody.
She got a MILF I wanna shake.
786
00:32:12,482 --> 00:32:14,067
Ooh.
787
00:32:14,068 --> 00:32:16,930
"Hollywood Reporter" has been
asking me about you all night.
788
00:32:16,931 --> 00:32:19,205
They can't wait to talk to you.
- They want to talk to me?
789
00:32:19,206 --> 00:32:20,654
I told you, sis.
790
00:32:20,655 --> 00:32:22,930
Stop thinking you the fart
when you clearly the shit.
791
00:32:22,931 --> 00:32:25,241
Ooh. You ready for your life
to change, Big Sexy?
792
00:32:25,344 --> 00:32:27,067
Ms. Pat, over here.
793
00:32:27,068 --> 00:32:29,034
Damn, last time
I took this many pictures,
794
00:32:29,137 --> 00:32:32,205
it came with a felony.
795
00:32:32,206 --> 00:32:34,412
Dee, I was looking for you.
796
00:32:34,413 --> 00:32:37,136
Hey, I hope you're
not mad at me, okay?
797
00:32:37,137 --> 00:32:39,102
'Cause I can take it from Pat,
but not from you.
798
00:32:39,103 --> 00:32:41,723
And I know I got to stop lying,
but I got lie-abetes and stuff
799
00:32:41,724 --> 00:32:43,550
just kind of fall out,
and I'd be confused,
800
00:32:43,551 --> 00:32:45,136
and it's like, I love you
so much, and then I be--
801
00:32:45,137 --> 00:32:46,688
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
802
00:32:46,689 --> 00:32:48,723
Wait a minute.
803
00:32:48,724 --> 00:32:50,585
You love me?
804
00:32:50,586 --> 00:32:54,481
Well, now, that just kind of
fell out, didn't it?
805
00:32:54,482 --> 00:32:56,343
I love you, too, Dee-Dee.
806
00:32:56,344 --> 00:32:58,481
Oh, Kareem.
807
00:32:58,482 --> 00:33:01,619
Oh. Look at you.
808
00:33:01,620 --> 00:33:03,447
It's taking everything
in me not to
809
00:33:03,448 --> 00:33:05,758
fuck you on this floor, boy.
- Hold on.
810
00:33:05,862 --> 00:33:07,241
I thought
that was your brother.
811
00:33:07,344 --> 00:33:10,102
In Christ.
812
00:33:10,103 --> 00:33:11,792
So we gonna get to that later,
813
00:33:11,793 --> 00:33:13,931
but right now,
we need to go over there
814
00:33:14,034 --> 00:33:16,861
and cheer your sister on
as loud as we can.
815
00:33:16,862 --> 00:33:19,447
Okay, 'cause you fingering
the fuck out my pussy.
816
00:33:19,448 --> 00:33:21,792
Ooh!
817
00:33:21,793 --> 00:33:24,482
So how'd it go?
Did you tell Terry?
818
00:33:24,586 --> 00:33:28,310
Mm-mm, no,
I couldn't find the words.
819
00:33:28,413 --> 00:33:30,654
Dealing with family
is not easy.
820
00:33:30,655 --> 00:33:34,964
You need to tell that boy
the truth about his father,
821
00:33:34,965 --> 00:33:38,102
ASAP.
- And I will.
822
00:33:38,103 --> 00:33:41,585
Now, why don't you just mind
your nosy-ass business?
823
00:33:41,586 --> 00:33:43,171
Okay.
824
00:33:43,172 --> 00:33:45,378
Here, why don't you take this
brownie and go hump a tree?
825
00:33:45,379 --> 00:33:47,378
Oh, no, I ain't messing
with Shaq no more.
826
00:33:47,379 --> 00:33:49,102
That nigga gave me splinters.
827
00:33:49,103 --> 00:33:50,930
Uh-huh.
828
00:33:50,931 --> 00:33:52,827
And you wanted to mess
with my nephew--
829
00:33:55,931 --> 00:33:58,758
- Thank you, Mama.
- Mm-hmm.
830
00:33:58,862 --> 00:34:00,310
I know that.
831
00:34:01,517 --> 00:34:03,585
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
832
00:34:03,586 --> 00:34:05,688
♪ And she don't
take no stuff ♪
833
00:34:05,689 --> 00:34:07,688
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
834
00:34:07,689 --> 00:34:09,862
♪ And you can't get enough ♪
835
00:34:09,965 --> 00:34:12,205
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
836
00:34:12,206 --> 00:34:14,241
♪ With a husband and kids ♪
837
00:34:14,344 --> 00:34:17,378
♪ She's a grown-ass woman ♪
838
00:34:17,379 --> 00:34:23,241
♪ And it's
"The Ms. Pat Show" ♪